Episode 79

Unbearable pain

SUNI’S P.O.V

I felt numb,like there was no feeling in my body.I felt like I was walking on air.I felt like the food and the drink I had didn’t have a single taste.I felt like having a conversation with someone was exhausting.I felt like just wanting to lie down anywhere and ask “Why Me?”.My thoughts were suffocating my body,my body felt cluster phobic,it felt like it had no where to go but just confined to a small box with no air and windows.The most heartbreaking thing was that no matter how much I tried to close the gap between myself and Uwais,my mind refused.I saw as Uwais’s eyes begged me to let him in,begged me to share the burden,begged me to let him be my shoulder to cry on,and begged me that no matter who I am or how I was created that nothing has changed regarding our marriage,relationship and love and for the first time in my life I saw a grown man go down on his knees infront of me with tears streaming down his cheeks to let me know that myself,our love and marriage is more important to him than some silly malice.I realized then that I was already carrying a sign of our love in me but the one we shared would always out weigh any burden in our life.Its true what they say that wait for Allah to send the right one to you and you will be blessed.Our marriage and life had been filled with untold blessing and love and let me tell you something Uwais and I are not that perfect because we do fight like any other couple but at the end of the day before we go to bed , we let go and apologize.No matter what we never go to bed angry with each other.

Sometimes when Uwais is angry at something I did or said, he would stop talking altogether and ignore me and other times I know he is angry when he talks to me in a low upset voice then I know his really upset with something I did.So we not as perfect as everyone thinks but our flaws and qualities make that our perfect relationship.

As I was making our bed all these thoughts swirled in my mind and I didn’t hear Uwais entering the bedroom from our bathroom.I think I fluffed the pillows about 10 times before I was satisfied.

Uwais:Babe where’s my black kurta?

Suni:………………..

Uwais:Babe why are you not answering me?

Shuffling clothing in the cupboard

Uwais:*walks and wraps his arms around me* Thinking about me Sunaina?*whispers*

Suni:*jumps*Crap you scared me*puts hand over my heart*

Uwais:*looks sternly* Suni language.Any ways what were doing that you didn’t hear me calling you?And I think the bed looks really neat so you can stop what you doing.

Suni: Something’s cannot be erased from your mind

Uwais turns me around in his arms and I realize his bare chested.

Suni:Aren’t you going out now to get our passports and tickets?I thought you didn’t want to be delayed so that after we can go shop for last minute things

Uwais:My wife needs me more,plans can change dear.Tell me what’s wrong dear?

Suni:*looks down* I feel suffocated Uwais,*i felt Uwais stiffen*Not by us or our relationship but about what I found out yesterday.How could you even want to be with me?I wasn’t even conceived in a halal relationship, I’m ashamed of myself and this innocent baby in my stomach will also be tarnished by being my child.Im not worth being her mother or your wife*i start crying loudly*

Uwais:*whispers* I love you Sunaina and it’s all in your head…People love you already,they know you too well to judge you so cheer up

I smile at Uwais’s way of cheering me up.I knew I was in unbearable pain but in the end I was going to be ok

Well as I thought of that I realized i got 1 week left to go before we flying out of the country to the most beloved of lands.